i ignored it
laid outside and talked about
lying to his face, poor boy
right and perfect imitation
held myself at my sides
and feigned my own mutilation
found this perfect situation
dont know how to
fuck it up
but thats talking-yet
letting in my influence
would crawl into me
swirl in circles
keeping any soul
i had at bay
its all blue eyes
and those stuttered glances
i wont hold you
im searching desperately
for some patched net to catch me
as i fall from this
into oblivion id theorized into itself
and i dont understand the titles
staring into the sunset
arent i syrupy sweet, my fake words?
everyones response is short
little hearts above the heads and in lieu of
were creating voices to ignore
that one in the back of my eyes
telling me to speak up
i had named it sob
but im still staring down
and avoiding a feeling i already have instilled at the thought
searching for my teenage lobotomy
its a certain number of incisions
that i had stopped counting
hypotheticals im reading
and im still searching for an ear
hadnt found it once
so im making crosses off a list
i wrote it for you as i made myself alone
to suit the needs youve always wanted
is it punishment enough to ignore the things im speaking?
its not a puppet
love is a four letter word for me to pick apart and rearrange
vole is a coat i wouldnt wear and you are 5 letters ill set into
your own despair
youd let me, one of my resented affection
leave me your hairs upon a pillow and ill make a doll
just like you, as i wrote it
".......Maybe I wish to be erased from this--her addictions bleeding into every weakness I've ever hidden.
They're playing songs just as I slip away.
And nothing knows how to fix itself.
I'm back in my dark corners, nestled between whimpered thoughts of some eminent lonliness.
It feels the same, seclusion.
Notes the speed of light, a sound, tried not to notice.
And I wish to dissapear completely and never be found........"